This is me and Jenise.
Jenise and I have been roommates for 5 years, partners in ministry for 12 years, and friends for 17 years.
We have been through Heaven and all nine levels of Hell together.
We are so tightly knit that people have often accused us of being lovers.
We are not lovers. We are SisterFriends. Sisters from another Mister. And the “Mister” is God.
She is Batman. I am Robin. I take care of her, and she takes care of me.
Being so close, we naturally have had our share of arguments.
Arguments? Make that “cold wars”.
In 17 years, we have only had one unresolvable source of contention.
Her mother. The Queen.
The Queen is the center of the universe. If you don’t treat her that way, she has no use for you.
The Queen wants all attention on her, even when her sons and daughters are the main focus. She uses them to evoke sympathy for herself. And she is NEVER wrong.
The Queen bothers me to no end, because she reminds me of my mother, who is a textbook malignant narcissist.
I bother the Queen because I do not worship her or extend to her the perks of my relationship with her daughter just because she’s “the mother”.
I have never been a welcome guest in the Queen’s home, but she gets to come uninvited into mine and stay for as long as she pleases.
If I even look like I have a problem with this arrangement (much less voice my discomfort), Jenise’s bottom line is that the Queen and I settle it between ourselves—because she is “tired of being put in the middle”. I would be happy to settle this if the Queen were remotely capable of taking responsibility for her own words and actions against me.
Lately, while discussing plans to relocate, Jenise revealed that she wants the Queen to come with us. I diplomatically informed her that that was “a game-changer” for me. What I wanted to tell her (among other things) is that if the Queen comes with us, I will be making my own relocation plans that don’t include living with either of them.
After our last argument involving the Queen, the situation got so heated that I told Jenise that I would never again bring up the Queen to her, that I would keep my opinions to myself. That was a week ago. In the span of that week, she has brought up her mother three times. She is testing me. Every time, I responded with a nod and a sentence. And the conversation either changes to another subject or dies on the wind.
I am unapologetically passive-aggressive. I will never change this about myself. It is my way of dealing with other people’s BS, and if it is a sin, I don’t want to get delivered from it.
I love Jenise. Jenise is the only family I’ve got. I have gone above and beyond for her. She will always be my SisterFriend, and I will always love her. That being said, Jenise’s happiness is not more important than mine. I will never force her to choose between me and the Queen. If I have to, I will choose for her.
That is what SisterFriends do.
